puzzled.

confused.

i know u are serious.

i know u are sincere.

and have lots to give.

but i can't simply force myself.

why?

something i couldn't even answer.

even if i do, you wouldn't understand.

why is it so hard, u asked.

u said i have not tried.

believe me i have.

and i can't.

but why are u still there?

even after years.

why are u still so nice?

makes me feel guilty sometimes.

but no, i did not ask u to.

am i too fussy?

choosy?

tell me, am i?

i'm sorry.






and..

it wasn't me.

it's not me who wanted it.

i did not and never ask for it.

don't see me as that.

why do u see me as that?

i'm not.

i've never even thought about it.

believe me, i do not want it.

don't accuse me.

pls.




the night walk aka recce was wonderful.
though not many joined.
it was great just having us around.

unfortunately, there was something.
which was unavoidable.
even when i tried to.

heck.

after walking for about an hour plus,
we had a short meeting @ MacDonalds.
till 11 plus plus plus.
late.



and oh, it's a full moon today.
oh smiley me...



love.




and thanks for accompanying me.


Inaugural Hip Hop 2007
was held at North View Primary School.
and Naval Base Pri won.
Congrats.

and guess what..
JDI (from Dance Floor)
came!!!

and danced.

they were fantastic.

melts.

haha.





i thought i saw the full moon.

was it full?

maybe it was...

maybe it's goin to be really full tomorrow.

but it was so bright.

nevertheless, it made me smile.

love it.




was there.
is still there.

was sincere.
is still sincere.

cared.
and still caring.

why?

what do i want?

and sometimes, im puzzled too.



Back to school with nothing much to do
Boredom almost killed me.
Thank God for the camera phone.



Have to stay till 12.30pm like all the teachers.
Because most teachers are having some course till late.
Yada yada.
And it's only fair.
Ugh!

Back to school, looked at the table.
Looking through the photographs, damn, i miss them girls.
It's gonna be so different now that you girls are not around anymore.
No more bitching partners.
Sad.

Realised..
that i have to replace some items on the table.
Pillow, teddy, picture in the frame.
New life, new journey, new stuff.
And i think i need a container for all the stationaries.
Relive the days in Woodlands Ring.

And oh, the cheeks are growing.
But the weight remains.
Think its too much of smiles and laughters.
Causes expansion.
Make sense? No?
Doesnt matter.

And i cant wait for the recce on Vesak Day!
Let's!


went to the mosque.
for a meeting.
after so long. hee.

and i realised.
i'm still fond.
even after more than a year.



now, random.

if you caught it already, you will hear something familiar.
"It was yours all along.
Will you keep it safe for me?"

was i affected?




i so very like this picture la...

anyways, end of school.
no more school.
i'm a career ladee already.
cewah~

i'm gonna miss the NIE people.
till we meet again someday.

and for now, just gotta enjoy the hols!

KL, biler mau pergi?




and this is how i spent the last week as a trainee teacher.
before i become a full-fledge.



chilling...



outing...



and more chilling...

and am i prepared to be a Cikgu?
Insyaallah.
with great power, comes great responsibility.






setelah kufahami
ku bukan yang terbaik
yang ada di hatimu
tak dapat kusangsikan
ternyata dirinyalah
yang mengerti kamu
bukanlah diriku

kini maafkanlah aku
bila ku menjadi bisu
kepada dirimu

bukan santunku terbungkam
hanya hatiku berbatas
tuk mengerti kamu
maafkanlah aku

walau kumasih mencintaimu
kuharus meninggalkanmu
kuharus melupakanmu
meski hatiku menyayangimu
nurani membutuhkanmu
kuharus merelakanmu

dan hanyalah dirimu
yang mampu memahamiku
yang dapat mengerti aku
ternyata dirinyalah
yang sanggup menyanjungmu
yang lama menyentuhmu
bukanlah diriku


there's so much i wanna say.

ugh!!!

but all i can afford is a smile.


random.

i think alot.
and you think alot too.
..sometimes, i wonder if we could really share our thoughts and talk about it.

and are the jokes getting lamer?
not good enough already?
not sensitive, just wondering.

there are some things that i really wanna talk about.
but somehow, i dno how to start.
do i question or go straight to the point?

i need the beach again.

and i miss ice cream.

and maybe the sunset will be great.

i may be smiling.

you said i am complicated.
maybe i am.

in need of something something...

and..am i just a tool?
yeap. maybe i am.

no worries.
i am fine.


it's been soooo long since we went for excursions.

and when the opportunity comes, we were super excited.

to Paya Lebar Airbase we went.



i need a hug to tell me that everything is fine
to know that i'm not alone
and that i shouldnt be bothered with all...


maybe you've forgotten.
of the heart that i gave.
thought it's the trust that you've earned.
but trust is the first thing i couldnt save.

maybe you've forgotten.
of the little things that we shared.
not just feelings that got smitten.
but also the heart that's shred.

and do you even remember.
of the words that you used.
it hit me bad, every night i tear
but now, it's gone, no more recluse.

so now.

the words doesnt matter anymore.
because none is taken
heart is back to me
because you've been forgiven
and memories is within me
none can be returned


totally random.
of yesterday.

met the bebs, dudes, after so long.
very kecorable.
and nice.

and there's this one lecturer.
Mr Jeffrey Goh.
man, i lurve him!
i feel so inspired and motivated now.
more than before.
Cikgu Nurul on the move, baybeh!

to Vivo and ate Secret Recipe for the first time.
not bad la the food.
and went to this super nice place to play UNO.
yea....UNO.
and i won!! 4 out of 5 games!
don't kid around with this UNO queen ya!
so someone owe me a cable car ride at night.
WOOHOO!!

and i am a human.
i have feelings.
something you cant take away from me.
may i say no for just this once.
because you had all the yes(s) all the time.
apologies.

and friend.
it's not about helping.
it's never about you owing anyone anything.
it's just about how you deal with things.
and how much importance you put in certain things.
"once bitten twice shy"
i have said this many times, and im not gonna stop saying this to you.
reflect on what you have done.
and analyse why this is happening.
you can still rely on me.
because you know, no matter what, i will still help you.


though short, it was fun.

to the lib, amazed by the Aksara Exhibition.

to Sofra and had Turkish delights.

to the CD store only to realise that we had no time left.

criticizing and bullying each other.

crapping.

sharing.

and the train rides.

went out to get mother a gift.
and decided to get a ring for her.
she love it.
alot.
thanks for the company, hurney.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to all mothers.

oh, im beginning to get my voice back.
was being forced to drink loads of water by the doctor.
and was given 2 days mc from becoming a personal entertainer.
all is good.
haha.

practicum is over, and now, back to NIE!!
wohoo. miss the friends alot!
congratulations to all trainee teachers.
Insyaallah, great teachers we will be!

and North View Primary School...
watch out for Cikgu Nurul.





this is totally random...



have u ever felt so good and foolish at the same time?
yea. it's confusing. extremely..
ok.



taking this opportunity to apologise, for not accepting.
i have my own reasons. pls understand. it's not easy for me too.
however..i was amazed by your words. impressive.
as the song goes.."It's only words..and words are all i have..to take your heart away..."
wahahah..
almost melted...almost.




and thank you, for all those time we spent together.
i have my personal doctor and you have your personal entertainer.
how nice.
and dear doctor, i am still sick.
i still have my fever.
and i lost my voice!
TOTALLY!
what have u been doing dear doctor?






thank you.

for the talk.

for the walk.

for sharing.

for listening.

for the beach.

for the time.

appreciate it much.




thank you.
though a lil late..

so sweeeet......

love it lots.


trip away...

sounds so fun.

i want.

u want?

maybe all i can do is to dream about it.




Alhamdulillah.

No longer need to feel scared.

No longer need to feel insecure.

No more disappointments.

No more scoldings.

No more miscommunications.

No more waiting.

No more empty promises.

No more feeling lonely.

No more tears.

No more hurt.

No more accusations.

No more assumptions.

No more mocking.

No more feeling that im not good enough.

No more feeling useless.

No more self-consoling.

because....